Club Ambiance - All Inclusive Rating: 2.0 Pearls

Runaway Bay, Jamaica

The Pool Bar

When Mommy and Daddy are knocking back rum like this, it's no wonder they leave the kids at home. Club Ambiance is a low-budget resort with an equal split of American and British couples who are (ahem) extremely interested in each other (though singles and swingers are also welcome). This is as "adult" as it gets; strictly 18-and-over.

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Barely five minutes from Breezes Runnaway Bay, Club Ambiance is in a line of hotels of varying stature along Main Street. But apart from these hotels, there's really nothing else. And as is the case of most resorts in Jamaica, you can't just wander in unless you're a paying guest.

A 30-minute taxi ride to Ocho Rios costs $40.

The Standard Room

Standard Rooms feel like out of the "Boogie Nights" set, with flowers suggestively strewn on polyester bedcovers and tiny outdated TVs with channels such as the Playboy Channel.

Rooms are large, with hard mattresses, balconies, empty mini-fridges, and good lighting. There is Wi-Fi and wired Internet for a fee, but the property has otherwise pretty spartan in-room amenities for a place billing itself as a "resort."

Bathrooms are tiny and basic, with shower/tub combos, a sink and a toilet. There's decent water pressure, but the hotel only provides a wispy cake of brittle blue soap and no other toiletries.

The gym

• Access to three private beaches -- one reserved for nude bathing
• Nice outdoor pool with plastic loungers and bar service. Beach towels provided at no extra charge.
• Free water sports available
• Game room dubbed the Ocean Club Bar, with billiards, table tennis, board games, a bar, a drum set, and a TV.
• Small and dark disco with a stripper pole.
• Tiny but clean gym with a couple of cardio and weight training machines.
• Unattractive hot tub
• Fee for wired and wireless Internet access.
• Massage beach hut

Between the stripper pole and the Playboy channel in all rooms, Club Ambiance is the opposite of kid-friendly. Even modest grown-ups will probably feel pretty scandalized.

Cafe Calypso

• Cafe Calypso offers breakfast, night snacks, and buffet for lunch and dinner.
• Terrace Grill offers a la carte dining and light lunch items.
• Coconut Bar, Pool Bar and Pier Bar serve up boozy drinks.
• Ocean Club Bar is open on rainy days only.