Mayfair Hotel & Spa Rating: 4.0 Pearls

Coconut Grove, Miami, Florida

Staff is quick with towel service

Pumped-up porters grabbed my bags the second the cabbie popped his trunk.

Additional towels and extra coffee grounds were at my door minutes after I called to request them.

The servers at the Ginger Café were quick with drinks, orders, checks -- everything.

Still, when problems arose, no one seemed to care. They initially stuck me in the Faaaaalllllccccon Suite (emphasis added for the jackhammering outside my door). Given the construction and the two giant cockroaches I spotted just outside the threshold (each about the size of a roll of quarters), I called the front desk and explained that I needed to move. On the phone (with their reservations agent) they apologized and offered me a larger suite. Not the case -- they gave me a smaller, albeit quieter, room.

At 8 a.m., the fire alarm went off twice. An electronic voice ordered everyone to vacate the premises using the stairs. But after rushing out of bed, I saw the housekeeping staff calmly making its rounds. No one was screaming and swan-diving off the balcony. What happened? "Oh, they have accidents sometimes." That was all the explanation I got -- no apologies.

View on a Larger Map

I selected the Mayfair as the best launching point for exploring Coconut Grove, Miami's less pretentious, more historic solution to South Beach.

The hotel is connected to Coco Walk, a dull outdoor mall with chain stores such as the Gap and Victoria's Secret, an AMC Theater, and restaurants like Chili's, Hooters and the Cheesecake Factory.

Still, the hotel is an easy walk to the rest of Coconut Grove, a tightly nestled pedestrian-friendly chain of shops that has more places to get a Brazilian wax per capita than anywhere else in the world. (Note: I made up that statistic; maybe there are more in Rio. We'll put a team of researchers on it shortly.)

The Mayfair Suite

Styled for romance, my room had Brazilian doors, natural stone (i.e., dirt-magnet) floors and a Japanese spa tub on a tropically enclosed balcony. (That is to say, there were insects, ivy walls and no sun.)

Views had clearly been sacrificed for privacy (a good call with the honeymooner crowd), but with no light coming in, the room felt a bit more dank and tawdry than exotic -- erotic might be the better word.

The spa tubs (the Mayfair's most boasted attraction) were great -- or, at least the clean ones were. The first one I looked at was basically a dirt-filled, locker-room-smelling barrel with spray jets. Fortunately, in the next room, I got a much cleaner tub that actually smelled like warm cedar. From unusable to blissful, it's the luck of the draw. My advice: Be quick to complain (the good tubs are in short supply).

My bathroom had a huge tub that required handles to get into it, a pair of sinks, and a tiny flat-screen TV. It was about three times bigger than the Art Deco johns in South Beach. I spent a good deal of time in the indoor tub; after all, it cost $30 to fill the outdoor Jacuzzi.

Jurlique Spa

As for features, all I saw were construction crews beeping their walkie-talkies and heaving cement carts in the hallways. I never saw any children as the hotel clearly caters to an adult scene -- picture Billy with a mushed-up face saying, "Eww," after he spots a couple holding hands.

Lunch at the Ginger Café is basic, tasty and about as varied (and the same price) as a Chili's (steak and cheese, chicken quesadillas and Thai chicken rolls).

The bar doesn't go beyond predinner cocktails, but the ambient lounge played Stereolab and fairly hip, new-wavy favorites. It was comfortable, even for a grown-up crowd.

Every inch of the 4,500-square-foot Jurlique Spa smells like jasmine incense. The staff uses all-organic products for massage, facials, manicures and pedicures. Even with the construction crews sawing metal outside the door, all we could hear in the treatment room was a prerecording of leaves rustling.

The 24-hour fitness room has cardio machines, free weights and space to stretch. It was really wonderful to look at, watch TV in, and pretend that I was going to work out.

I can't wait to try out the new rooftop pool on another trip -- the sweltering property was in dire need of some cooldown space during my visit.

My room was well-cleaned, if you ignore some coffee stains and the inevitable musty funk of an outdoor daybed.

Save the few cockroaches I found roaming (or legs-up dead) in the outdoor corridors, the property was impressively clean, especially considering all the dried cement carts being wheeled up to the roof.