Shelborne Beach Resort - South Beach — Hotel Review Rating: 3.0 Pearls

Oyster Review Summary

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Oyster Hotel Review

Reviewer: Dipayan G.
Updated: May 18, 2010

 Service

The lady at the front desk didn't even look up when I walked in. Eventually, after much silent tapping on her keyboard, she handed me my keys without a "hello" or any eye contact.

I got absolutely no service at the pool, even though I sat out there for a good 20 minutes.

Later, I waited for about three minutes while the concierge was on a personal call before he acknowledged me. His replacement the next day was more attentive, though she seemed to only have cursory knowledge of the hotel. If you're selling art in the lobby, you should at least know who the artist is!

While I was checking out, a guest came down to complain that her safe wasn't working. Instead of apologizing, the suspicious front desk staff interrogated her. Not very hospitable.

 Location

The Shelborne is right by the Shore Club and Delano hotels -- two major glitterati destinations. But even though it's on Collins Avenue, the Shelborne isn't part of the Miami catwalk. On the one hand, this means it's not as loud. On the other hand, it's a sign that the hotel is behind the times. Still, as we observed from some of the young guests there, it's a cheaper but still hip alternative right by the beach.

 Rooms

The hallway to my room was a labyrinth of blind angles and random trajectories. If anyone wanted to stage an ambush, this would be a good place to start.

The rooms look like the set of The Golden Girls might if the cameras had kept rolling for another 20 years. My 472-square-foot room was large, but everything was a shade of yellow, sometimes several all at once -- at best, buttercup; at worst, buttermilk. The room was decorated with posters from the Coconut Grove Art Festival circa 1993. Straddling vintage and trendy, the décor just looked lazy.

A kitchenette was awkwardly hidden in a large closet. An empty mini-fridge was below a tiny sink, and a wardrobe was in the corner with a mini-safe.

Sleeping at night was thoroughly creepy. The bed was comfortable, but the plastic wrap on the mattress meant that every little movement elicited a weird rustling.

The bathroom was satisfactory but unremarkable. At least everything worked!

On the plus side, my balcony was large enough to pull out a chair and a table and enjoy a partial view of the Atlantic. And without any club and bar below, I could actually hear the ocean for once.

 Features

The pool is large enough to get a workout in. A hot tub sits off the deep end, next to a diving board that has since been turned into a fountain. There's a lot of space around the pool for sunbathing, with a bar at one end and a door to the beach on the other.

The Shelborne's restaurant, the Terrace Cafe, is by the entrance to the pool and has both indoor and outdoor seating.

Club Shine, the hotel's nightclub, was closed for renovation when I visited. In the meantime, the lobby bar is open every evening.

There's karaoke every other night at Studio, a basement club with a low, fake tinfoil ceiling; dirty, fraying furniture; and low lights. Even I, an enormous karaoke fan, stayed away.

 Bottom Line

On the beach at Collins Avenue, the Shelborne is next to Miami's hottest clubs and hotels. Its Art Deco exterior is well preserved, but the rooms look like they were last updated in the '90s. With gloomy basement karaoke and an apathetic staff, a large pool is the hotel's best asset.