The Delores Clarion Collection Rating: 2.5 Pearls

South Beach, Miami, Florida

Given the cheap rates, I would have been happy with, "Here's your key, knock yourself out." But every staff member is genuine and helpful. They volunteer restaurant recommendations, day trip ideas (Parrott Jungle for my imaginary nephews), and fetch fresh towels within a minute (though, admittedly, our room was only about 30 feet from the front desk).

Reviewers on Hotels.com and TripAdvisor generally agree, the staff is helpful.

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It's only a block from the beach, but with weather like a Turkish bathhouse, I was sweating through my socks by the time I saw the sand.

Though next to a gas station and a few Deco dives, the location did its job -- a quick walk to Lincoln Road and Ocean Drive, without the club bumping and car alarms.

I got the efficiency room, which has a bathroom so small -- queue the audience: "How small is it?" -- that guests have to sit sideways on the toilet. That's true. No joke. With my chin nearly in the sink, I could shave from there.

Besides that, the rooms are clean and the beds so comfortable that I hit snooze a half dozen times. (So, if my boss asks, it was the bed's fault I was late. OK?)

The free wireless connection is great (not a single connectivity issue).

But, by the time I made it for the free breakfast (again, comfy beds), there were only two pre-packaged Otis Spunkmeyer blueberry muffins left.

With the recent remodel and a manageable number of rooms, housekeeping keeps the rooms (even the bathroom) perfectly tidy. Not bad for a cheap hotel.