Kew Motor Inn Rating: 1.0 Pearls

New York City, New York, United States

Pros

• Chance that your room has been featured in a movie (Note: most likely an adult film)
• Friendly pimps roaming the grounds
• Sweeping views of the exciting Grand Central Parkway
• Anchored TV remote means guests will never lose them
• Tissues handily stuffed into peepholes, for extra privacy
• Classy plastic flowers throughout
• Room menu in lobby is easy to use (it's reminiscent of a Chinese take-out menu)
• Convenient ATM in lobby (in case your room guest requires payment)
• [Ed note: We kid, of course. There's really nothing good about this hotel.]

Cons

• Pervasive odor of stale cigarette smoke that has been in the carpets since the Carter administration
• Glacially slow elevators make it tough to escape sting operations
• Terrifying bathrooms with towels that smell like burnt hair, grimy showerheads, and mildew-caked shower/tub combos

Bottom Line

Ask a native New Yorker, and they might tell you about the heyday of the Kew Motor Inn, when celebrities would roam the halls and party late into the night. That may have been true once, but those days have completely faded. Today, it's a seedy, hourly-rate establishment with a clichéd romantic vibe; you almost expect a Punk'd-style camera crew to pop out at any moment. Everything, from the short-order menu variety of themed rooms (including Love Nest, Egyptian, and Waterfall), to the overuse of plastic flowers, to the decades of stale cigarette smoke that are deeply ingrained into the walls and carpets, cries out "sex hotel." But if all of that didn't make it clear enough, the prostitutes and pimps who frequent the grounds should. NOW CLOSED DUE TO PROSTITUTION BUST.

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