Hotel Porto Playa

Guests would be well advised to seriously manage their expectations before visiting Monteverde Hotel. A mock neoclassical entrance provides an unintentionally amusing contrast to the underwhelming '60s architecture typical of its era. And inside, it seems as if little has changed since its opening, with dated granite floors, varnished wood paneling, and scuffed walls. A messy jumble of tourist brochures and abandoned paperbacks add a final note to a less-than-favorable first impression. The rest of this rather run-down, low-frills property continues in the same vein, with signs of poor maintenance, little evidence of modernization, and a general sense of disorder. It does tick most of the boxes as far as facilities you'd expect from a resort-style hotel, and an all-inclusive plan comes as standard (though much on offer is inevitably poor quality). Guests are a mix of couples and families with kids, the vast majority hailing from the UK. While most visitors report negatively on their experience here, there are still plenty who make the most of the hotel's rock-bottom rates for a cheap and cheerful vacation. 

The hotel overlooks a large traffic circle on the outskirts of the upmarket resort Porto Cristo, located on the eastern coast of the island. Once a small fishing village, the town is known for its marina and a small sandy beach with calm, family-friendly waters—both within walking distance of the property. The island most famous caves, Cuevas del Drach, are also just a few minutes away on foot, featuring one of the largest underground lakes in the world. There are also plenty of laid-back bars and restaurants, most of which are situated between the marina and beach, roughly a 10-minute walk away. Manacor, the island's second largest town, is a 15-minute drive, while the capital Palma and its main airport is up to an hour by car. 

The hotel has 120 units, which include single and double rooms, and one- and two-bedroom apartments. All look very much in need of a makeover, with drab and dated decor that combines gray tile flooring, textured walls, and old-fashioned furniture. Apartments include living rooms with lounge and dining areas, and kitchenettes with very basic cooking facilities (electric cooktops but no fridges or kettles). All accommodation opens to balconies or terraces, with views over the pool or street, and higher levels are treated to pleasant panoramas of the countryside—though no real sea views. 

Pretty much all in-room amenities cost extra, including remote for the flat-screen TVs, key-operated safes, and air-conditioning. Wi-Fi is also charged and the connection is generally poor. Bathrooms are super basic with little more than shower/tub combos, bidets, and toilets (guest are expected to supply soap). Most guest rooms are prone to noise, either from the road, poolside entertainment, or from guests in other rooms.

The only real highlight of the hotel is its decent-size saltwater swimming pool, which is fairly deep (with no lifeguard) though it includes a separate section for kids. The surrounding sun terrace has a few loose tiles but loungers are plentiful, and it extends to a small patch of shady garden. Outside is also a mini-golf course and small playground—but no organized activities are on offer. 

Dining is limited to the all-inclusive buffets served in the main dining hall, which most guests agree is generally very poor quality. Drinks are available all day from the bar (though lines are common) and basic snacks are also served in the afternoon. Entertainment is put on most evenings, but the consensus is its mostly dire. Leisure facilities are limited to pool tables and arcade machines.