Don Juan Beach Resort Rating: 1.5 Pearls

Boca Chica, Dominican Republic

Locals hanging out by the beach

As it is located in the D.R.'s sex tourism capital, Boca Chica, the resort posts a sign above its reception desk that states that it "caters mainly to national and international family groups, and we do not allow prostitutes on our premises." Clearly, there are some gray areas. Numerous guests report being accosted and the resort's security guards don't seem to make much of a difference. Mostly, they patrol the premises with long, black sticks warding off peddlers and the occasional stray dog. Since Don Juan's beach is public and prostitution is legal in the Dominican Republic, there's little they can do.

A narrow walkway leading to the beach divides the property in half. Even in the morning, two women offered me suspicious massages as I walked down the sidewalk; in the evening, sexual solicitation is even more rampant. You really can't walk more than a few minutes down the beach without being offered everything from CDs to carved coconuts to Dominican flags to girls. While the guest rooms are a bit dark and outdated, the hotel itself doesn't really feel like a brothel -- a decent pool and PADI-certified dive center are among its more redeeming qualities. But it's hard to relax on the beach when you're routinely pestered by pimps and prostitutes.

Warm and attentive staff

On arrival, a porter helped me with my bags, and despite the Spanish-English language barrier, check-in took a quick five minutes. My room was ready on time and a porter helped schlep my stuff up to the fourth floor and roll my suitcase down the very dark hallway.

I’d been in the room about half an hour when I heard a loud knock on the door, like someone was striking it with a crowbar. I thought a fight had broken out, but wasn't sure. The person kept banging, and there wasn't a peephole in the door, so, terrified, I slowly opened the door.

"For you! For you! Un regalo (gift)!" Two housekeepers shoved a plate of fruit covered in plastic wrap in my hands. "This is a gift from the hotel!" I thanked them for the gift, and one of the housekeepers started screaming, "Paga! (Pay!) Paga! (Pay!)" I explained to her in Spanish that I didn't order this gift and promptly handed it back to the housekeeper. When she refused, I put it on the floor outside the room and closed the door. They finally left a few minutes later.

Aside from this ugly episode, my subsequent encounters with staff were all pleasant. All the guests I spoke to said the service is largely attentive. The bartenders are receptive and the staff members at the Restaurant Coral, the only buffet, are warm and surprisingly efficient. Every time I thanked them for bringing me, say, a bottle of water, they responded, "de nada, mi amor" ("you're welcome, my love"). For some guests, this might seem a bit sketchy.

Other guests also thought the service is warm -- and one couple from Halifax notes that a security guard dropped by their room to let them know their door was unlocked.

View on a Larger Map

Don Juan is located in the small town of Boca Chica, the D.R.’s sex tourism capital (prostitution is legal in the Dominican Republic). It’s a square piece of land bordered by the beach on its southern side, Calle Duerte (Duerte Street) on its northern side, and two resorts on either side. On all sides, pimps and prostitutes abound.

Dirty, crowded public beach

Don Juan is on a public stretch of beach in Boca Chica, a town known for its sex tourism. I was accosted on the beach by locals asking "Want to make baby?" and selling ‘’massages.’’ This kind of harassment is common, several of the guests I spoke to reported similar experiences. After dark, much of the beach becomes a hot spot for gay cruising.

Apart from this, the beach is quite nice. A natural reef encloses this entire stretch so that it can feel like an oversize swimming pool. On weekends, the locals come out by the hundreds and thousands. "It was so crowded yesterday, the water was murky," said John, who was visiting with his wife from Rochester, N.Y. "There were people everywhere."

Though the beach once had the potential to have fine, white sand, it's now completely littered with debris -- cigarette butts, plastic cups, cans, straws, candy wrappers, and whatever else. The view also sucks, what with a huge natural gas processing plant in the distance.

The Standard Room

Standard rooms (I stayed in No. 8421) come bare bones, right down to the wire racks that comprised my closet and the thin, tropical-print coverlets draped over my two full beds.

The bedsprings have more give than a jack-in-the-box, and the pillows are lumpier than a sack of Jelly Belly candies.

My room had a lot of natural light, thanks to the open view of the pool, but come nightfall, when the lamps had to be turned on, the fluorescent glow from the energy-efficient lightbulbs reminded me of a dim science lab.

The outdated Daewoo TVs have fuzzy reception and only two English-language channels (BBC and BET). Others, like CNN and Discovery, are in Spanish. In my room, there was a phone, but no alarm clock or smoke alarm (the entire cover and battery were removed). The air conditioner only worked at half power, but the ceiling fan helped keep the room cool.

Every room comes with a minibar stocked with three bottles of water, one Pepsi, and one Brahma beer. The fridge itself sits on a cheap, white plastic table intended for a balcony. There is a safe in the room, but it’s not big enough to hold even my tiny, 12-inch laptop. Lock rentals run $2/day, and they’re more than worth it, considering the seediness in the area.

The dark, dilapidated bathrooms are flat-out, haunted-house creepy. Toiletries consist of one bar of soap on the sink and one dispenser of soap or maybe shampoo (it isn't labeled) in the shower. Plus, there’s a box of one-ply tissues and two rolls of really scratchy one-ply toilet paper. The towels, at least, are clean and white.

In regards to cleanliness, the room was one notch up from the Barcelo Capella, which is easily among the most filthy rooms ever visited by an Oyster reporter. Translation: no bugs, but everything needed a thick douse of Clorox, especially the floor, which actually needed Clorox, Swiffers and a layer of floor polish.

Top-floor rooms come with vaulted ceilings, which make the relatively small room (by Caribbean standards) seem significantly larger and brighter. Request a room on the top floor (fourth) for its high ceilings, but I strongly recommend getting a room down the street at the Oasis Hamaca instead. The rooms there are just as dark, but significantly nicer, cleaner, and more spacious.

Hotel's PADI-certified Dive Center

There are two pools on the property, both of which are far smaller and less exciting than most all-inclusive resorts.

There's a tiny gym with ancient equipment (one treadmill, elliptical, stationary bike, bench, and a few weights, none smaller than 6 kilograms), a sweet bodybuilding poster from the 1980s, and no air-conditioning.

Treasure Divers, a PADI-certified dive center, is on the beach. But don't be fooled by its claims to be the "best dive center in the Caribbean." The real story is that apparently Unterwasser, a German diving magazine, voted it one of the best diving centers in the world, but the link the company provides to the magazine doesn't work and I can't read German. However, guests I met along the southern coast say some of the best snorkeling and diving is actually around Bayahibe.

Don't count on using the Internet too much here -- there are two PCs, but the center is only open between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m., and only one computer was working when I was there.

The Kids' Club

Calle Duerte, the main prostitution strip in Boca Chica, is only a few hundred feet from the property. This is not the place to bring children.

There’s a skeletal kids' club on site, run by a staff member who only speaks Spanish. It consists of a jungle gym, a broken television, a few arts and crafts supplies, two tables and some Mickey Mouse art on the wall. Nothing else.

There isn't a designated kids' pool, but one of the areas in the main pool is shallow enough for a small child. Similarly, the beach is calm and shallow thanks to a natural reef 200 meters from the beach.

There are a few kid-friendly options at the main buffet, like burgers and fries, and there's pizza at the snack bar adjacent to the pool.

The beach is filthy. Many of the lounge chairs had rips in them, and you couldn't wander more than a few inches without stepping on a cigarette butt or tripping over a soda can.

The rooms are tolerable, meaning there’s no pervasive stench of insect infestation, but the bathrooms contain significant mold.

The Coral Buffet Restaurant

If uncooked chicken, bread covered in flies, salads dripping in mayonnaise, vats of unidentifiable glop, bowls of cucumbers and carrots (their "salad bar"), and desserts covered in some sort of whipped topping-glaze sound tasty--stuff yourself silly.

For everyone else, you'll probably stick to the burgers and pizza, both of which seem relatively safe. Likewise, the mango and papaya are typically decent, but avoid the green cantaloupe.

The food at Oasis Hamaca, just 10 minutes down the road, is exponentially better than the food at Don Juan.