Jewel Runaway Bay Beach & Golf Resort Rating: 3.0 Pearls

Runaway Bay, Jamaica

Couple enjoying a bicycle ride

Demi-clad couples sans kids float on free booze and buffets. Some local families come by with kids in tow for the weekend, mostly to gawk at tourists, but the resort does not allow children under 14. This is probably a good thing, since kids would likely be scarred by the sight of all these boozing moms, dads and grandparents.

Reception is perfectly professional and housekeeping is top-notch. The waiters and waitresses, though, appear to be just out of college and, like postgrads the world over, are looking to hook up. At first I thought the waitress was just being friendly. But then she invited me to a party and the jig was up!

View on a Larger Map

At 20 acres, Jewel is a pretty large property, though not as gargantuan as Beaches Boscobel. It's also on one level -- unlike other resorts with terraced tiers leading down to the coast -- making it more wheelchair-friendly.

On Main Street, the highway that loops around the entire island, Jewel is opposite Eslyn Villa, a relatively upscale housing community.

The hotel's beach is fenced off at either end so that nonguests--or, more accurately, drug dealers--can't get in. Wandering close to the border, I saw several dealers rattling the fence, twisting their arms through the wire and trying to sell me pot. Kind of like a zombie movie with a twist.

Veranda looking out onto the lush lawn

My huge ground-floor room had an airy veranda that looked out onto a lush lawn. If it hadn't taken a good five minutes to lock the sliding door, I might have enjoyed it more.

The two double beds were a little too firm but otherwise comfortable. The cheap blankets, however, were scratchy, thin and covered with flaky patches of dried-up liquids. With no comforter or extra blankets in sight, I froze!

The room also didn't have enough outlets. It had two stereos, a phone, an LG flat-screen TV and an air conditioner, but most of the cables were sealed over the outlets. As a result, there were only two usable outlets, and I had to disconnect the TV and a lamp to use them.

The bathroom was a decent size, but the water pressure was much too weak. It also had a gym-style dispenser for body wash, body lotion and shampoo--but no conditioner.

Trapeze at the beach

A tropical depression during my trip made for choppy water, but I imagine that the narrow beach gets quite cramped during high season. Still, there's plenty to do.

Release your inner carnie at one of the multiple trapezes by the water. There is also an 18-hole golf course adjacent to the property, fully accessible to guests.

Less adventurous types can play volleyball at the beach or tennis farther inland.

And you can always escape the sun at the rooftop fitness center, a large space with a decent spread of Cybex training machines and treadmills.

Or just pick up a drink by any one of the hotel's three pools.

There is also a game room with slot machines, table tennis, pool, board games and hot tubs (hey, it's Jamaica!). As with most resorts, trivia and bingo games every afternoon draw a rush of seniors at the Beach Terrace.

In the evening, guests of all ages gather to hear the hotel's resident band pump out reggae covers.

If you need some alone-time, head to the Radiant Spa where you can get your treatments in a hut all to yourself!

With three pools and an endless array of activities (including a trapeze!), Jewel Runaway Bay and Golf Resort's massive property lets teens and parents have their own space. The resort definitely emphasizes drinking and partying, though, and most guests are here for that atmosphere, so parents uncomfortable with their kids being around alcohol should probably look elsewhere.

Many rooms also come with double beds, and affordable, all-inclusive rates can make this an attractive option for a family on a budget. Again, a family's experience at Jewel will ultimately depend on what kind of atmosphere parents are comfortable with.

The Beaches chain of family resorts--such as Beaches Sandy Bay and nearby Beaches Boscobel--is far more kid-friendly.

It is quite incredible that the staff manages to keep a property this large and so close to the beach clean.

However, multiple washings have taken a toll on the thin and scratchy towels. And the blankets may have been dirty--or just ancient. Either way, they were unacceptable.

Buffet-style dining at Beach Terrace

The Beach Terrace is the only restaurant open for all meals. Food is served buffet-style, with chefs at the stove to slice a piece of roast or cook an omelet to order. The food is good but not great. And definitely stay away from the sushi! Raw fish prepared in bulk and set out in such a tropical clime is a recipe for disaster.

Reggae Café, on a perch over the beach, is the place to go for jerk and fast food. The limited menu is good for a quick fix, but nothing to write home about.

Serve yourself at the Starlight Grill. Choose some raw ingredients, take it to your table, and a waiter will deliver it to the wok for the cook to stir-fry. Surprisingly tasty! And this way you know it's freshly cooked!

I didn't get a chance to eat at Munasan, the resident hibachi joint. But I saw Japanese tourists happily chowing down without complaint. Reservations are mandatory here, so book a table at check-in.

Finally, Pastafari is the fancy Italian restaurant with a decidedly cheesy name. Open only for dinner, it requires that guests dress in a formal manner (by formal, they mean pants). Suffice it to say, I only packed shorts and forgot to make a reservation. So I'm depending on you. What did you think?

The broad stretch of beach

Unlike at the Sandals and Beaches resorts, you can add your own personal touches. However, most of these extra touches -- like bringing in our photographer -- come with steep fees (in the case of a photographer, an extra $1,000). Likewise, while children younger than 14 can't stay at the resort, they can attend a wedding at the hotel if you're willing to fork over an extra $65 for each guest not staying at the hotel.

• Wedding Size: Up to 150 people, but the resort may host up to seven weddings in a single day

• Extra Fees: There is a mandatory government and administrative fee; day pass fee for each guest not staying at the hotel (though you're issued four free passes); extra fee for bringing an outside photographer

• Wedding Packages: The basic wedding package is free (so long as you book at least a three-night stay), and includes a nondenominational marriage officer, a wedding cake, one bottle of champagne, the bride's bouquet and the groom's boutonniere, breakfast and dinner for the bride and groom.

• Ceremony Location: On the beach, on the lawn, or under a gazebo; may add decorations (available at the hotel for an extra fee) or bring in your own

• Photographers and Videographers: Photo packages range in price for 12 five-by-seven prints, or 48 five-by-seven prints, as well as for albums; estxtra fee for negatives; no in-house videographers available.

• Music Options: DJ, violinist, or a steel drum band for per hour rate; you can also bring in your own music

• Food and Drinks: Cocktail party options (including hot and cold hors d'oeuvres) range in price with one and a half hours of open bar; buffet options are available and plated dinner options (75 person minimum) start include three-hour open bar

• Cakes: Free standard wedding cake, which serves 10 people (each additional tier is $50); you can also bring in a cake from an outside vendor

• Spa Treatments: Spa services for the entire wedding party range in price, and include hair, makeup, and mani/pedis; no bridal suite

• Freebies: Free horse-and-buggy ride after the ceremony, "just married" T-shirts, and a free night stay on your first wedding anniversary

• Airport Transportation: Free transportation to and from Montego Bay International Airport for all hotel guests