Runaway Bay Heart Hotel Rating: 2.0 Pearls

Runaway Bay, Jamaica

The hotel was lacking in a "scene"

This isn't a very popular hotel, mostly beacuse there's no direct beach access. Other than a local woman planning her wedding at the hotel, I didn't see another guest or non-staff human.

Staffers are all trainees

The Heart is run by Jamaica's National Training Agency, which trains individuals to enter the hospitality world. Basically, it's like the kitchen in home economics class, except the kitchen is a hotel and the linens being ironed are yours. The young and eager staff try their best but are still learning, so you'll have to be patient or look elsewhere.

The front desk staff is more seasoned and does a great job of arranging car pickups and logistics for activities.

View on a Larger Map

Located off the main, beachside road and up into a residential area in the hills, the Bay Heart is one of the only Jamaican hotels not located on the beach. While a free shuttle departs from the hotel to the beach four times a day, it's not the most pleasant way to frequent the sand.

The Deluxe Room

One employee told me the hotel's original building -- named Block 1, like a penitentiary -- hasn't been renovated since it opened in 1986. Block 2's rooms were revamped in 2000.

My room in Block 2 was in need of some TLC and a can of Raid -- bugs crawled all over the cracked, white tile floors and the glass-covered furniture tops were chipped. Decorative arches above the beds depict sea grass with a brain coral as a centerpiece. The best thing about the room was the comfortable canvas and rattan chair. It also seemed like the only surface that was pest-free -- or maybe I just wanted to believe that since it was the most comfortable aspect of the room. It was impossible to watch TV from the corner where the chair was placed, but that's OK -- the 21-inch Panasonic tube set showed mostly snow on every channel.

The bathrooms were below hostel quality -- broken tiles, moldy tubs, an old fluorescent light box as the only source of light. The towel holder was broken clear off the wall, with only one of its sides left as a reminder. The hotel offers no shampoo, conditioner, or body wash, just skimpy, butter-pat-size bars of soap. But it's much worse -- there's no shampoo allowed. The reasoning behind this is that the hotel's water is recycled to water its lush grounds.

The gym

No frills here -- the pool is tidy and clean, with a pool bar that was not attended during our stay. There is zero ambience, although I enjoyed watching the staff learn how to make bird-shaped napkins.

A huge gym with high ceilings and wood floors was spacious, but didn't offer too many machines to choose from. While there are some yoga mats, the hotel does not offer classes.

Cobwebs, tiles pulling away from the baseboard, dirt and grime in the corners and under the bed -- every corner of my room had been neglected in the cleaning process. These rooms are among the dingiest in Jamaica.

Cardiff Hall restaurant

The Cardiff Hall restaurant reminded me of a wedding hall dining situation -- probably because each table had a numbered plastic card on it. It serves Jamaican classics like jerk chicken and rice and peas (rice and red kidney beans). The small bar outside the restaurant has a seating area clustered around a baby grand piano that remained covered during my stay. Let's just say the Heart hotel wasn't rocking when I was there.