Sunset Beach Resort & Spa Rating: 3.0 Pearls

Montego Bay, Jamaica

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The resort is a 20-minute, $25 cab ride from the airport in Montego Bay; that's close enough to hear a handful of planes each day. It is a 15-minute drive from the Hip Strip in Montego Bay, where giant cocktails at Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville draw a steady stream of tourists. But most guests never leave the resort unless they're on a guided tour, which the hotel will help to plan.

With top golf courses, some of Jamaica's most luxurious retreats, and a narrow coastline backed by jungle-like green hills, Montego Bay ("MoBay") is both Jamaica's second-largest city and a prime vacation hub. At its center is the Hip Strip, a tourist-focused street with kitschy clubs like Margaritaville (don't forget your free bong!) and somewhat sketchy casinos and live music venues like Coral Cliff (a popular place to score drugs).

• 20-minute drive to Montego Bay International Airport
• 15-minute drive to Hip Strip
• 25-minute drive to Greenwood Great House, an historic Georgian-style building and antique museum
• 25-minute drive to legendary Rose Hall Great House

The beach

Short pockets of beach line the resort, interrupted by man-made rock-cluster dams. The sand was a narrow 15 feet at most places during low tide, with rocks and shells cluttering otherwise beautiful white sand. Signs warn of sea urchins and jellyfish (as is the case elsewhere in Jamaica), but it never seemed to stop any of the kids from splashing around. There is rarely a struggle for lounge chairs, though most are stacked shoulder-to-shoulder. Slightly secluded beach space can be found on the furthest reaches of the resort, likely because they're a long way from a bar.

Farther down the beach, about 50 yards in from stern "no cameras" and "adults only" postings, lies the au naturel beach, which skirts the question of "clothing optional" and enforces no bathing suits at all. I spoke with a self-proclaimed "absolutely bonkers" British couple from Yorkshire who were staying at the resort for a wedding. On the nude beach, they created an array of scandalous photos involving the bouquet. They were later booted from the beach for failing to comply with the no-camera policy.