Clinton Hotel And Spa — Hotel Review Rating: 3.0 Pearls

Oyster Review Summary

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Oyster Hotel Review

Reporter: Dipayan G.
Updated: August 28, 2009

 Scene

The Clinton is a small, 88-room building, but it somehow manages to pack in a hot tub, a deck, a gym, a bar, and a restaurant. It draws mostly younger guests (20-30 years old, generally) from the U.S. and Europe looking for a cheap hotel close to the beach, shops, bars, and restaurants. The adjoining French restaurant La Villa with its actual French staff ups the international vibe. Though most of the young, glistening bods by the pool were in South Beach to party -- the hotel itself is quiet. Most guests keep to themselves, even while sunning shoulder-to-shoulder on the deck.

 Service

The front desk staff is chatty and capable, and the bellman swiftly took my bags up to the room. But this is a small hotel, so it doesn't have a huge staff looking out for guests every step of the way. Still, if guests need help, they can go down to the front desk and the staffers are there.

Though the La Villa restaurant (formerly Ratatouille) is independently owned and managed, the staff still serves drinks and snacks by the hotel's small pool. While I had no problems out by the pool, ordering food at dinner and breakfast made me wish I'd kept up my high school French. The Francophile waitress took a while to understand my order in person and forever to decipher my call for room service. But the real problem with service at La Villa is that it's slow -- it took me half an hour to get my dinner cocktails, let alone my food! And I was at only one of two occupied tables, so there's really no excuse.

 Location

At Eighth Street and Washington Avenue, the Clinton is only two blocks away from the beach. Unlike the row of hotels farther north on Collins Avenue, this hotel is surrounded by residential apartments and condominiums. Guests aren't kept awake by noisy teens late into the night, but clubs and restaurants are all a good five- to 10-minute walk in either direction. Or, if guests are wearing heels and don't feel like springing for a cab, there's a bus stop right by the entrance (though, the bus system is Miami is pretty unreliable).

The Clinton is around the corner from a Diesel store, which is surprisingly demure compared to the bedazzled and risque clothing sold at the smaller discount stores up and down the block. Still, you'll find a handful of cafes and pizza places scattered amidst the rhinestones.

 Rooms

A ride in the Clinton's old and particularly slow elevator took me to a long, dark hallway that had me second-guess my assignment. I agree with Yelp, it was pretty freaky! The pictures of silhouetted nudes by the door don't help, they actually look like aliens. The hotel's tagline -- "fun, quirky, sexy" -- doesn't seem to hold here.

But the rooms are actually quite nice! The rooms all hover around the 250- to 300-square-feet mark (just like the Townhouse), and are broken into four types. The standard queen is the smallest and has only one queen-size bed (yup, you guessed it). Double rooms, with two double beds, are somewhat larger, fitting in a small sofa by the foot of the beds. Spa suites and loft suites are just studio rooms like all the others, but both come with Jacuzzi tubs. Spa suites are larger but don't have balconies like the somewhat smaller loft suites. Don't get carried away, though -- balconies at the Clinton either look out onto the neighboring apartment buildings, into the hotel's small courtyard, or out over the slim reflecting pool (not for swimming!) that randomly cuts through the north side of the building.

Our double room was bright and made the most of natural light with two large large glass panes separating the bathroom from the bedroom, instead of a wall. Mercifully, there was also a curtain I could pull across to cover the window when I wanted privacy.

In the bathroom, the sink has a fun, swinging mirror, as well as a shower with three shower heads and an adjustable rod that can be turned to various massage settings. The water pressure -- while sufficient -- wasn't powerful enough to make the massage settings all that useful. Due to the flimsy glass door to the shower, however, water can go everywhere in the bathroom, so the abundance of towels might come in handy. The bathroom also has a clear cabinet with various sensual kits for sale. If you come here with kids, be prepared to answer a lot of questions.

The beds are comfortable, though the linens are pretty basic. There was also a couch at one end of the room that could easily double as a child's bed, if need be.

A smallish TV and a CD player are perched right by the window, facing the beds. On arrival, the TV is turned onto the menu setting that cycles through a slideshow of the hotel while playing, in my case, Frank Sinatra's "The Summer Wind" on repeat. But when it comes to the TV channels, there's pretty much everything except CNN (which was kind of weird). The CD player works well, but I had to unplug it at night to turn off its decorative lights. There's no iPod hook-up in the room.

Though clean, for now, various in-room features felt naggingly cheap -- flimsy lamps and white floors laminated with a composite that scuffed the moment I entered our room.

The Clinton also offers balcony rooms overlooking a reflecting pool, but in reality, the pool is just a narrow, shallow channel that cuts through the middle of the hotel. You can't swim in it, and while you can certainly look at it from your window, you'll also be looking into all the rooms on the other side. And they'll be looking back at you. Upgrades like these are hardly worth it.

 Features

First off, the Clinton has a good Wi-Fi connection that worked for me throughout the hotel. Plus, it's included in the $7 resort fee. Most hotels charge around $15 per day for Internet access, so a resort fee at half the rate -- it also affords you beach towels -- is reasonable.

There's a hot tub in the Clinton's enclosed courtyard that's large enough to double as a mini pool. With plenty of pool chairs to lounge around in, guests said they actually had a better time here than on the beach -- if only because the walls captured the sun and kept out the cold February breeze. There's also a reflecting pool on the other side of the hotel, but it's strictly decorative. No swimming in here.

The Clinton also has a tiny gym on an enclosed terrace on the top floor. It had a good spread of cardio and weight-training equipment, but I wonder whether the tarp overhead is enough to keep out the rain!

According to the Clinton's outdated website, spa services are available through the neighboring EZ Spa. Well, scratch that -- EZ Spa is out of business. A phone call follow-up confirmed that the Clinton doesn't offer spa services any longer.

Finally, there's an ATM and a computer for guests to use in a nook right by the front desk in the lobby.

 Family

I didn't see any families with children at the Clinton. It's not that it isn't kid-friendly -- the couch in my room could easily double as a child's bed if need be -- but it's definitely oriented toward young singles and couples. Guests could bring their kids, but they'd have to explain why there's a Kama Sutra kit in the bathroom.

Be forewarned, however, that although cribs are free, the hotel only owns one crib! They don't have any rollaway beds, but they can install an air mattress for free. But you'll have a hard time fitting either of them into the standard queen -- hotel staff recommends getting at least the double room.

 Cleanliness

The hallways are so dark, it's hard to tell if they are clean, but the new coat of paint they received while I was there probably covered up whatever might have been lurking in the corner.

The rooms were clean, but I don't know how well they will handle wear and tear because the plastic and metals the Clinton uses are flimsy. The white laminate on the bedroom floor, for instance, got scuffed and dirty within minutes of my entry.

On the plus side, I didn't see any branches or dirt in the hot tub as other users claimed. In fact, the pool was a favorite hangout spot, and nobody there had any complaints.

 Food

The French restaurant La Villa, formerly "Ratatouille," offers food and drink both out in the courtyard and inside its adjoining dining room. The food is perfectly cooked and completely authentic. I especially loved my breakfast of fresh croissants, coffee, and orange juice. But still, it's quite expensive, so mind the bill!

 Bottom Line

An affordable, comfortable, clean hotel that's two blocks from the beach and surrounded by popular South Beach bars and restaurants. The Clinton offers more than most small-scale budget boutiques -- free Wi-Fi, a sunny courtyard, Kama Sutra kits, a small gym, and a popular hot tub with food and drink service. For the price, it's an excellent pick.