This Blog Post Is About Toiletries, Not Sex

Size doesn't matter... except when it comes to toiletries. And even if they're small, they better be attached to a famous name. You know you're riding high when you get a 5 oz. bottle of Etro at the Acqualina in Miami, or even a 1 oz. bottle of Malin+Goetz at The Betsy in Miami. But in my case at the Beach Paradise in Miami's South Beach, all I got were cheap promotional samples and generic soap. It's not that the occasional vacuum-sealed packet of toothpaste is a bad thing, or Crest White Strips, Biore Restore Skin-Boosting night serum, "Beach Mist" soap, a razor, or pads and tampons -- it's just a lot less sexy to whip these out on the plane ride home.

Oh thank you, Acqualina, I took these home.

Oh thank you, Acqualina, I took these home.

These toiletries from The Betsy in Miami may be teeny tiny, but they're very nice.

These toiletries from The Betsy in Miami may be teeny tiny, but they’re very nice.

Nothing beats a close shave like one of the free razors at the Beach Paradise in Miami.

Nothing beats a close shave like one of the free razors at the Beach Paradise in Miami.

Crest White Strips, anyone? Anyone? You can find them at the Beach Paradise in Miami.

Crest White Strips, anyone? Anyone? You can find them at the Beach Paradise in Miami.

The Beach Paradise in Miami doles out free pads and tampons -- for those dire emergencies, you know.

The Beach Paradise in Miami doles out free pads and tampons — for those dire emergencies, you know.

Rub-a-dub-dub with some generic soap wrapped in some beachy mist paper at the Beach Paradise in Miami.

Rub-a-dub-dub with some generic soap wrapped in some beachy mist paper at the Beach Paradise in Miami.

The Beach Paradise in Miami has Biore night serum and toothpaste samples, just in case you forgot yours.

The Beach Paradise in Miami has Biore night serum and toothpaste samples, just in case you forgot yours.