Round Hill Hotel & Villas — Hotel Review Rating: 4.5 Pearls

Oyster Review Summary

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Oyster Hotel Review

Reporter: William B.
Updated: November 25, 2009

 Scene

Immersed in carefully crafted flora, Round Hill is one of the few Jamaican resorts that actually feels like it's in an exotic, far-away land -- sweetened air, flirtatious birdsongs, and the all-night frog and cricket chorus that New Yorkers buy for their sleep-wave machines and yoga centers.

The colonial subtlety of Round Hill -- its simple bilevel buildings built into the hillside, the bellman's white regal uniform, the staff's insistence on calling guests "Sir" -- all work to evoke aristocratic sensibilities, yet the spirit is still incredibly calm. The restaurant might cross Vivaldi with some ska, but the music is always discreet -- a background to waves crashing against the rocks. At the bar, a remarkable jazz pianist takes over in the lounge each evening.

Populated by quiet couples and young families, the crowd comes mostly from the United States, Great Britain, and Germany. Even with all-inclusive packages available, I didn't spot any major boozing. Service is definitely attentive and welcoming, but this is communicated by simple hellos, smiles, and brief greetings from the management. No one attempts to engage guests in dancing or any of the other glitzy hoo-ha found at other resorts. All this works to attract a thoughtful community of guests, each very polite and even friendly to one another. But most guests seek time alone with a book rather than sugary cocktails and poolside make-out sessions.

 Service

Per Jamaican custom, younger employees took to calling my fellow reporter and me "Sir Joey" and "Sir William" -- a light balance of royal familiarity -- and within the first day, everyone seemed to know our names. While wandering through the spa, I encountered lines of extraordinary, sweet lilac-scented white flowers outside the adults-only pool. On the off chance that the flower was common to the region, I asked the first employee I spotted, a woman working in front of the fitness room, if she knew the name of the flower. She immediately took my name and room number, contacted the gardener, and explained that he was gone for the day but that she would leave a message for me at the desk -- that this minor question would be her first priority the next day. Sure enough -- the crinium lily, also known as the spider lily, was outside the spa. (She even made sure the spelling was correct.)

The staff at all levels makes every effort to "welcome home" their guests, many of whom visit the resort for extended periods at least once a year. Returning guests are asked to notify the desk, and Round Hill maintains a pretty die-hard following. I encountered one couple who had been staying there four months out of the year -- every year.

 Location

Outside Montego Bay (in an entirely different state, known locally as a different parish), Round Hill is located in Hanover. But this doesn't mean much to most guests, who typically only leave the grounds to visit the famous Tryall Golf Course, 10 minutes away. The villas are spotted along a lush stretch that sings to the remote exoticism of a bygone Jamaica, far from the prostitutes and faux-coke dealers found at the party-crazed Hip-Strip (about 30 minutes away). But this also means that there's a 40-minute cab ride (for about $35, each way) from the airport.

Along the property's edge, shallow patches of softbeach lie between gnarled tree roots and coarse rock cliffs, between spotted yellow frogs and geckos shooting up tree limbs faster than I could catch with my camera. Being in a remote area of Jamaica has clear advantages, namely more stars, quieter nights, and a welcome distance from the party buses. But with it comes red winged ants, mean-looking crabs, and, of course, cockroaches too big to fight with a steel-toed boot.

 Rooms

The resort consists 27 hillside villas (divided into 74 suites) and 36 rooms that were designed by Ralph Lauren (a member of Round Hill's board of directors and the owner of two homes on-site). In order to create an electronically detached environment, none of the rooms have a TV and any iPod-ready music devices. Bring more than one book: There's not much to the on-site library.

In the rooms, the back wall opens to a large wood-planked terrace built into the cliff edge, overlooking the ocean. White linens are draped over a black-coated, natural wood, four-post bed frame. A beautifully finished desk sits beside some remarkably comfy, deep-set white chairs accented by royal blue throw pillows and magenta, pineapple-embroidered blankets.

Observing the customs of the hotel, I removed my shoes at the door so as not to upset the delicate white stone floors. I have to applaud the housekeeping staff: Keeping white clean is as hard as one would expect. In many (if not most) cases, this dangerous style choice can be a hotel's undoing -- angel white can turn to spoiled milk within months. But the walls were spotless, the furnishings pristine. The only flaw was some slight mildew behind the shower door, which I had to crawl on our knees to see. The gleaming chrome showerhead more than compensated. Any slight imperfection, like loose stitching on the woven cotton comforter, appeared calculated, like frayed designer jeans.

But being open-aired (windowless) meant that the shutters needed to be drawn for the AC to function, eliminating the otherwise immaculate view. Likewise, the desk was extraordinary, but all of the nearby outlets were dominated by the fridge and the only lamp available. But I gladly forgave all this if merely because it gave me ample opportunity to procrastinate -- can't work, no outlet; can't work, too hot; can't work, no Internet.

The only substantial flaw was the abundance of mosquitoes and inch-long flying red ants in the room. The hotel provided a slightly scented plug-in mosquito repellent that helped solve the problem, but it's obvious that my bug problem was not unique -- other guests have complained of the same.

 Features

The dense, tropical grounds are a phenomenal feature unto themselves. They create an isolated, aristocratic haven, one that evoked the breathtaking calm we thought only available to characters in a Jane Austen novel.

Tree-lined paths were sprinkled with activities -- a water sports hut, the glass-bottom boat, parasailing harnesses, a rack of kayaks -- but they all fit with the remote aesthetic.

Built into a cliff edge, the 24-hour infinity pool (beaming red and turquoise by night) is the most popular feature. Even with so many kids at the resort, the pool saw far less splashing than pensive ocean gazing along its ledge.

In a colonial mansion on the adults-only side of the resort, the spa prides itself on being a cut above the standard, Glade-freshener massage vibe.

I took advantage of the fitness center, open from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m., which stuffs some high-end but slightly outdated Cybex equipment behind a 42-inch flat-screen tuned to CNN. Yoga classes are available, and I spotted a few young mothers stealing meditative moments over the courtyard while the hotel-supplied nannies took care of their kids.

In the Pineapple Room, a 62-inch flat-screen TV drew a crowd for movies during a sudden storm or "Monday Night Football" but otherwise remained empty.

The library stores a collection of books ranging from "Golf Digest's Greatest Courses" to existentialist feminist novels by Simone de Beauvoir. Though there are a few Tom Clancy thrillers and chick-lit-like beach reads, it's best to bring your own reading material.

The business center is hidden in front of the main entrance and hotel lobby. It consists of a few PCs (the hotel charges for Internet use), a single printer, and a high-powered AC unit. Shopping spaces are also on-site.

 Family

Round Hill goes to great lengths to accommodate families, largely through the staff-supplied nannies, women dressed in athletic white (like they're ready for Wimbledon) who act as a cross between baby sitter and backup parent. They cost $10 an hour for a single kid and $12 an hour for two kids. When Suzie has an ice-cream-related tantrum, Mother can take her aside and the nanny can stay with Billy while he finishes his milk. I spotted a number of families throughout the resort, each sitting with their nannies during lunch, and there was an unmistakable bond between them. At the very least, the kids all seemed to develop an unusually informed attachment to the Jamaican people, which is much more than I spotted anywhere else (i.e. kids barking orders at an all-inclusive staff).

Kids' menus are available at every meal. The menus were single, readable sheets with Batman and Rugrats characters. Kids can eat chicken fingers with ketchup, spaghetti, and chocolate milkshakes every day, should their parents condone it.

The Pineapple kids' club, a small shack filled with games and toys, is more popular during school holidays.

 Cleanliness

I found the entire property beautifully maintained. Considering the abundance of white everywhere, this was no small feat. I've seen otherwise beautiful properties ruined by their failure to repaint and repolish around the clock to keep the aesthetic radiant. My room was spotless, save some slight mildew in the shower, but nothing made me cringe. (I didn't even notice it until the next day, and that's after we took photos of the whole place.)

 Food

Great food, but it's necessary to add the sticker shock right at the forefront. Lunch for one -- just a sandwich, a Coke, and some banana ice cream -- runs about $40. Dinner for two, a buffet-style lobster and steak BBQ (with no steak after about an hour), and with no alcohol, is about $160. Paying the all-inclusive fee ($170 per person per day) might actually make sense, if merely to take the sting out of signing the bill after an otherwise phenomenal meal.

 Destination Weddings

• Wedding Size: Can accommodate up to 120 people; can only accommodate one wedding per day, and only 30 weddings per year; no large groups can be accommodated during peak travel times from December 22nd to January 4th, February 11th to the 29th, March 12th to April 16th, and November 26th to the 30th; can book entire hotel for $50,000 if you call at least six months in advance

• Extra Fees: Wedding coordinators cost $600 if the wedding is under 30 people and $1,200 if the wedding is over 30 people; if you want to be married by someone other than a civil marriage officer, a minister is $350 and a Rabbi is $1,060 (marriage license included).

• Ceremony Location: May be held in the Georgian Room, Georgian Terrace, or Hanover Room (occupancy up to 100, minimum cost limit of $5,000); the Spa Terrace or Seaside Terrace (occupancy up to 150, minimum cost limit $1,500); or the Villa (occupancy up to 20, minimum cost limit $2,500); decorations may be provided at an extra cost or you can bring your own (pending hotel approval).

• Photographers and Videographers: No in-house photographer or videographer -- sourced from off property by the hotel (you can choose from a list), or you can bring your own

• Music Options: Varied options (from acoustic guitar to a string trio to a calypso band) ranging from $200 to $2,000 for one to two hours; cut-off time for entertainment in 10:30 p.m.

• Food and Drinks: Options range from small buffets (30 people) for $45 per person to large course dinners (80 people) for $90 per person; hot and cold appetizers by the dozen range from $20 to $36; may request special-diet menu items; kids' menu available, or 50-percent off adult meals; bar options range from a la carte prices to open bars (with a minimum of 30 people) starting at $26 for one hour of standard liquor to $60 for five hours of deluxe liquor.

• Cakes: Ranges from one tier (for around 25 people) at $165 to five tiers (for over 60 people) for $800

• Spa Treatments: The Spa offers massages, hair and nail treatments, makeup, and facials; $270 Perfect Bride package including 50-minute massage, mani/pedi, and hair and makeup.

• Honeymoon Suite: Four suites available; Superior Villa Suite at 1,000 square feet, Deluxe Villa Suite at 1,400 square feet, Master Villa Suite at 1,600 square feet, and Pineapple Suite at 1,800 square feet; each has private pool, garden, or veranda

• Freebies: Discounted group rates at the spa (as well as for other amenities on-site, such as rooms and site fees), must call to negotiate

• Airport Transportation: Four-person shuttles can be arranged for all wedding guests for $35, one way

 Bottom Line

Round Hill is phenomenal. Sincere, intimate hospitality; private child care; large, beautifully designed rooms by Ralph Lauren; and breathtaking grounds (to which no photo can do justice) -- it is easily among the best resorts in Jamaica, even with a few mosquitoes and ants in the room.