Riu Palace Aruba - All Inclusive Rating: 3.5 Pearls

Aruba

The swim-up bar

The complex's three buildings are shaped like massive white sand castles, crowned by rounded spires and the word "Riu" in a typeface that Microsoft Word probably calls Persian Excess. I'm all for throwbacks (I still listen to Ace of Base), but the Riu has a decidedly nonhistoric artificiality. The architecture looks woefully out of place in Aruba.

The lobby and adjoining Bob Bini Bar gave me the same impression. Purple Mediterranean furniture, grand high ceilings, and faux-royal curtains made me feel like a patient in Aladdin's celebrity rehab. The elevators did not have air conditioning or ventilation, and the sweltering smell was made worse by the smell of rank rum punch.

The Riu used to be the Aruba Grand. (This old beach chair still has the former name.) In the summer of 2007, new construction was completed and it was renamed the Riu. The Aruba Grand, however, specialized in time-shares. According to many of the guests that I met, the Riu's ownership made no attempt to buy out the owners of those units. Many guests, including a husband and wife from New Hampshire staying in building C, actually own their rooms. "We just spring for the extra $350 a week for the all-inclusive," the husband said as the couple sipped Balashi beers at the Bon Bini bar. "It's a really good deal."

Couples of all sorts make up 98 percent of the clientele. I saw only two children, and no teens or college-age travelers. There were retired couples from America, younger ones from Brazil, middle-aged ones from Holland, and every age and place of origin in between. With a mandatory all-inclusive package that includes all food and drink, a 24-hour sports bar, and a smoky, boisterous casino, the Riu is an ideal place for partying couples and vice-minded honeymooners.

Watersports staff

Unlike staff at every other resort in Aruba, none of the four front-desk staff members spoke enough English to check me in. I communicated through a series of strained hand signals and then waited 20 minutes for the clerk to find the right forms. He spent five of those minutes searching the back room for receipt paper. The receptionist somehow communicated that my room wouldn't be ready for 45 minutes. I crossed the lobby to kill some time with the concierge -- only the concierge leaves at noon every day.

The front desk staff told me that my bags would be waiting in the room. When I arrived at Room 727, the door was open but my luggage was not there. I returned to the front desk, where a lady told me she had no way of figuring out where my luggage was and had no idea why my door was open. The bags did eventually arrive, but it took two hours and several phone calls.

View on a Larger Map

The hotel is next to the Westin resort and is one of many mega-resorts along the beach. One of Aruba's few major roads travels directly past the Riu.

The High-Rise complex, a large downtown strip that ends at the Holiday Inn SunSpree, is a 10-minute walk in the opposite direction of downtown (and about a two-minute cab ride along the bus- and palm-lined road). The High-Rise has many restaurants, including the fabulous Hostaria da Vittoria, as well as a number of nightlife haunts, like a movie theater and a samba club misleadingly named Mr. Jazz.

The location feels very safe. Between foot traffic from the High-Rise and tourists from a number of neighboring hotels -- the Holiday Inn SunSpree, Occidental, and Radisson, among others -- the area is well populated at night. For added security, hotel personnel frequent the street outside the hotel.

The Double Room

My room smelled like stale cigarettes (every room is a smoking room at the Riu).

Set against dull white walls, the red furnishings evoke a playboy's bachelor pad. But on the whole, the room was very clean. The bathroom was especially well maintained, as the towels were still warm and smelling of fabric softener.

The "king-size beds" are really two double beds pushed together. The red-and-white checkered bedspreads seemed as though they had a sweaty film. I made sure to pull my bedspread off before retiring to the hard mattresses. Many reviewers on TripAdvisor also complained about the mattresses being too firm, though most, like me, didn't have any trouble sleeping. Besides the bed was a small, dark nightstand with a black RCA clock radio.

Rooms come with a sitting area, which includes a couch, coffee table, smaller circular table, and two chairs. The table was perfect for my computing needs, and wired internet is available in rooms for a fee. Although there's only wired Internet in the rooms, there is free Wi-Fi in the lobby.

The balconies have two white plastic chairs and a small matching footstool. Our standard room looked out over the pools and the Riu's stretch of beach.

The joint Jacuzzi and shower had marvelous water pressure. The bathtub was deep enough for a true full-body soak. A nifty pull-out grating next to the toilet was perfect for hanging bathing suits.

The 27-inch Zenith television got poor reception and only a few channels.

The room was a seven-minute outdoor walk from the lobby. Heavy rain made it impossible to walk that distance without getting wet.

The beach

The Riu's beach connects to the next door Westin's. If not for a couple of small signs telling me so, I would have had no idea where one property ended and the other began. Like the Westin's, the Riu's sand is no more than 30 feet wide and 100 feet long.

Available water sports include snorkeling, parasailing, tubing, and boating. The guides offered to sell me pot (the only time I got such an offer in Aruba) after I declined their standard, nature-related activities.

Blue and green beach chairs cover most of the available ground, shaded by thatched cabanas and umbrellas. Most of the shady spots were claimed by midmorning; anyone who doesn't claim a spot early should bring plenty of sunscreen.

Watersports center

Two pools combine to create one giant aquatic complex with a golden mosaic on the floor. The main pool comes complete with a fountain in the middle and submerged beach chairs. The Palm Beach Pool Bar has swim-up access as well as a serving area for nonswimmers and a Jacuzzi tucked in the corner. An iPod feeds reggae and salsa into the speaker system. The second pool is also rectangular but far smaller than the first. Few people choose it over its larger, more-beach-chair-saturated counterpart.

The children's pool is a tiny, 18-inch-deep circle dug into the ground between the main pool and the fitness center.

The Vita Nonus Spa, open from 8 a.m. to 7 p.m., offers facials and massages. The fitness center, open from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m., is a single wood-floored room filled mostly with cardio machines and baskets of used towels.

Two conference rooms, the Oranjestad and Santa Cruz, are past the restaurant concourse. The Santa Cruz has dozens of green, high-backed chairs and a fake palm tree at the head of the room.

Guest rooms only offer wired Internet access (for a fee), but the lobby has free Wi-Fi.

The casino

Smoky, loud, and crowded, the gaming room is even more packed than the Bon Bini bar at night.

Although the televisions played college football, I instead watched an exceedingly drunk man make an epic 15-minute blackjack run. He started even, went up $3,000, down $3,000, and then back up $5,000 before his two friends dragged him out.

The lobby smelled like a bowling alley

During my stay, the lobby smelled like a bowling alley, due to the ashtrays strewn about the coffee tables. Of more concern was the gurgling leak that sprung from above a ceiling fan in the Bon Bini bar; a janitor's bucket was stationed underneath to catch the stream.

My room was very clean. The bathroom was especially well-maintained, as the towels were still warm and smelling of fabric softener.

From my balcony, I had a perfect view of the pools, which appeared to be in fine, sanitary form. All of the restaurants were squeaky clean, especially Don Nicolas, where whole battalions cleaned up after the voracious buffet crowds.

Food from Nautilus restaurant

All restaurants are covered under the all-inclusive package, so I sampled as much as I could. When I was done, I went back to the 24-hour sports bar -- not because alcohol is also part of the all-inclusive package (which it is), but because no matter how much dinner I ate, all I wanted was popcorn and nachos.

The Don Nicolas restaurant serves a buffet for all three meals. Cavernous outdoor and indoor seating areas gave me plenty of space to enjoy the finely cut meats and various pasta dishes at dinner.

Though dinner at the reservation-only restaurants begins at 6:30 p.m., diners gather on the lower concourse at 6 p.m. to ensure that they get to make a booking. The choices include Sayuri, a Japanese restaurant, and Krystal, where guests are greeted with Champagne flutes. My favorite was Milano, a warm, red-bricked Italian joint with a huge buffet.

The High-Rise complex across the street has a number of restaurants, including the excellent Hostaria da Vittoria. These restaurants can get expensive, but are well worth the splurge.

The Milano restaurant, one of several reception locations

• Wedding Size: Up to 100 people; two to three weddings held per day

• Extra Fees: $70 day pass required for all wedding guests not staying at the resort; at least 80 percent of the wedding guests must be staying at the hotel. $100 fee for outside vendors

• Wedding Packages: The Classic Package, the most basic option, covers 10 people and costs $995 ($1,150 for a civil ceremony), though it's free if the entire wedding party books a room for five or more nights; it includes a wedding coordinator, a bouquet and a boutonniere, decorations, recorded music during the ceremony, a wedding cake, sparkling wine, and a dinner in one of the resort's a la carte restaurants (along with all the other resort guests). The Caprice Package covers 60 people and costs $2,150 ($2,350 for civil ceremony); it includes a wedding cake, sparkling wine, a semiprivate dinner, and, as a bonus for the bride and groom, a massage, hair and nail treatments for the bride, a free room upgrade, and breakfast in bed the day after the wedding.

• Ceremony Locations: Under a gazebo, on the beach, or at City Hall (for civil-service weddings)

• Photographers: From $415 for 30 4-by-6 prints in an album with a CD

• Music: From $450 for a DJ for three hours to $1,100 for a five-person band for three hours

• Food: Extra appetizers cost $16 to $18 per person; no specialty kosher, gluten-free, or vegan menus available.

• Cake: From $250 for 20 people to $650 for 100 people

• Spa Treatments: The spa offers massages, facials, and hair and nail treatments. The bride and groom get a 10 percent discount on all treatments.

• Honeymoon Suite: Newlyweds usually book the Jacuzzi Suites.

• Airport Transportation: The resort does not provide transportation to and from the airport; a taxi takes about 20 to 25 minutes.