The Ritz-Carlton San Francisco Rating: 4.5 Pearls

Nob Hill, San Francisco, California

The facade's impressive colonnades

Many hotels claim to be synonymous with one superlative or another. ("Our name is synonymous with service .... ") With the Ritz, it's precisely the opposite: The superlative "ritzy" comes straight from the hotel's name. This Ritz -- 276 guest rooms and 60 suites in a stately century-old building whose colonnaded facade resembles the U.S. Supreme Court -- maintains the conservative classiness that defines the chain: traditional oil-paintings on the walls, fresh orchids, marble everywhere, and more chandeliers than you can count. In the afternoon, a harpist performs in the lounge. When I checked into my room, Mozart was playing on the radio. The room-service spread included a single pink rose. Classy all the way.

The problem for me was what it all added up to: essentially, a pleasant but unexciting experience. I hate to use the word "boring" to describe an all-around enjoyable stay, but it's pretty apt in this case. With the exception of a few fun, quirky touches -- the bellmen's top hats, the guestbook in the entryway -- the Ritz offers very little in the way of fun surprises, the unexpected treats that make a vacation memorable. The Mandarin Oriental, for instance, delivers tea to your room in the afternoon.

Even with the expected, the Ritz doesn't quite match up to its competitors. No separate soaking tub and shower, just a standard shower/tub combo in the rooms, unlike at the St. Regis (or even at its sister properties in New York). No panoramic views like at the Fairmont or Intercontinental Mark Hopkins. No 24-hour butler (St. Regis) or free rides in the house Maserati (Fairmont Heritage Square). If I sound like an overly fastidious fault-finder, it's because, well, that's sort of my job when it comes to these ultra-luxury options. If it were my hundreds of dollars to spend for a single night, I'd look elsewhere.

The room service spread

The staff dresses formally, and when I dialed from my room, I was addressed as "Mr. W______." But overall, it's more warmth and efficiency than old-San-Francisco aristocracy. There's always a doorman to open the door and hail a cab. My room-service breakfast included a rose and French-pressed coffee, and when I called down for some Tylenol, it was at my door in 15 minutes (albeit with a $10.95 price tag). You get the idea.

The issue isn't whether you're getting excellent service -- for these prices, you'll get excellent service -- it's what you're getting compared to other luxury places. And the Ritz, alas, doesn't do anything to separate itself from the well-heeled crowd. It lacks the VIP-style bonuses that some of its competitors offer -- 24-hour butler at the St. Regis, free Maserati service at the Fairmont Ghirardelli.

• The only hitch I experienced: getting hold of the front desk the morning I checked out. It took three phone calls to finally reach someone without having to wait on hold, which shouldn't happen at a Ritz.
• Nightly turndown service with free chocolates and bottled water and a photocopy of the New York Times Evening Digest ("Tomorrow's news... tonight")
• 24-hour room service
• Free overnight shoe shine

View on a Larger Map

The Ritz sits two blocks from the peak of Nob Hill, a neighborhood jokingly -- okay, half-jokingly -- referred to by locals as "Snob Hill," which should tell you quite a bit of what you need to know. It's primarily residential with a few luxury hotels mixed in (the Mark Hopkins, the Fairmont, and the Huntington are among the Ritz's distinguished neighbors). San Franciscans don't really hang out here, though. You'll need to head north, to North Beach or the Marina, or west, to Russian Hill or Pacific Heights, to find the best local restaurants, bars, and shops.

Basically, if you walk up the hill, on any east-west street, you'll find yourself with more and more stunning views and a temporarily enhanced sense of self-worth, not to mention some serious lactic acid buildup (feel the burn!). Technically, the Ritz is closer to Chinatown, which is a block away down the hill, than it is to those gilded neighbors at the top of the hill.

• Fisherman's Wharf is down the hill, less than a mile away (take the cable car back up!).
• The famous curvy block of Lombard Street is less than half a mile away.
• Far from the Presidio, the Golden Gate Bridge, Golden Gate Park, and Haight-Ashbury -- $10 to $20 by cab -- but then, so are the other neighborhoods with high-end accommodations
• Cable car runs alongside hotel, on California Street.
• $40, 30-minute taxi from San Francisco International Airport (SFO)
• Safe neighborhood (though vagrancy and panhandling are common, as throughout the

The Standard Room

Classy but dull. That's how I'd sum up the rooms at the Ritz. They're spacious by San Francisco standards -- Deluxe Rooms, the most basic, start at 400 square feet -- and well-appointed, with good-size desks, two desk chairs, a dresser, and a comfy armchair. The conservative decor -- muted colors, tassled fringe, Chinoiserie cabinetry -- will appeal to some more than others, but there's no denying its class.

The problem with the rooms mirrors my issues with the hotel as a whole: lack of imagination. My room looked just the way I expected it to, with no fun surprises or clever additions. (By contrast, the Mandarin Oriental's rooms have binoculars to better enjoy the spectacular views.) With the exception of the art on the walls, which depicts classic San Francisco scenes, nothing reflects the singularity of the city. By comparison, take the rooms at the two New York Ritzes, which are otherwise just as conservative. The Central Park Ritz has a selection of DVDs of movies that take place in Central Park. At the Ritz Battery Park, rooms overlooking the Statue of the Liberty come with a telescope. Small touches, sure, but it's the little things that make the difference in this lofty price range.

Other disappointments and/or oddities:

• No views to speak of from standard rooms. For that, try the Fairmont or Mark Hopkins.
• Comfortable beds -- pillow-tops; 400-thread-count, 100-percent-cotton linens by Frette; soft pillows -- but the mattresses, Sealys made especially for the Ritz, sagged in the middle.
• The website boasts about the Kohler Performance rain showerheads, but they looked nothing like the rain showerheads I've seen at other hotels. And the water pressure? Tres ordinaire.
• Oddly placed faucets in the bathrooms make washing your hands awkward.
• My Wi-Fi connection ranged from frustratingly intermittent to agonizingly slow -- and it costs $15 a night.
• No separate soaking tub and shower, just a standard shower/tub combo in standard rooms. For separate bathtubs, try the St. Regis or Fairmont.
• And, finally, what's up with those throws on the beds? I know it's intentional, but it looks like a litter of kittens got to them.

And, to be fair, some noncomplaints:

• Soft waffle-comb bathrobes and free slippers
• Bulgari White Tea bath products
• Delicious coffee and tea
• Well-stocked minibar and snack drawer
• 32-inch LG flat-screen TVs with 40 channels, including HBO; DVD players; iPod docks

The lovely pool

As you'd expect from a large luxury property, the Ritz boasts an impressive collection of features. Besides the big-city, big-hotel standards -- gym, business center, meeting/party space aplenty -- there's an inviting indoor pool and Jacuzzi, which is rare for San Francisco (though not as rare as you might think, given the weather -- even cheaper places like the Marriott Marquis and Radisson Fisherman's Wharf have pools).

• The pool and fitness center are associated with the spa, but it doesn't cost extra to use them.
• Pool is clean and warm, and large enough to swim laps in, but it's not really a place to hang out or relax.
• Impressive fitness center with modern, high-end equipment, includingstrength-training machines, a set of free weights, fitness orbs, medicine balls, and cardio machines, each with personal TV screens.
• Classy touches include refreshing lemon-flavored water and free bottled water. Less classy: Shoving all the cardio machines together to the point where each treadmill is literally touching the one next to it.
• 24-hour business center with Wi-Fi access, a boarding-pass print station, a color photocopier, support staff on duty during the week. All services cost extra.
• Free morning coffee off the lobby, next to the Dining Room. A classy spread all the way.
• Parking is $62 a day plus tax -- absurdly pricey even by San Francisco standards.

The waiting room at Spa-de-Vie

The Ritz is one of just a few San Francisco hotels with a luxury spa on site. In addition to the usual range of treatments, the impressive Spa-de-Vie plays host to the hotel's fitness center and pool (see Features, above), which you do not have to pay extra to use.

• Appointments available seven days a week, 8 a.m. to 9 p.m.
• Treatments range from a basic deep tissue massage ($150 for 50 minutes) to the "Ultimate Day of Luxury," at $795.
• The kids' spa menu includes the "Strawberry Ice Cream Pedicure" (45 minutes, $55).
• A 20 percent gratuity is automatically added to all services.
• For the full spa menu, click here.

Because of its grand-old-dame vibe (turn-of-the-20th-century architecture, antiquish furniture, conservative decor) and button-down clientele), the Ritz isn't ideal for families with young children. Nevertheless, the Ritz does lots to welcome them.

• POLO ("Protect Our Little Ones") program includes free toys, coloring books and crayons, and other treats for kids, all placed in your room before you arrive.
• "Spa Kids" menu for teens and younger children at Spa-de-Vie
• Free cribs and rollaway beds
• Some connecting rooms
• Safe neighborhood (though vagrancy and panhandling are common, as throughout San Francisco)
• Be forewarned: Nob Hill is hilly -- steeply hilly. If you're a walking family, and your kids are too young to trudge back up, and you're not keen to push them up in a stroller, you might prefer a hotel closer to sea level.

Cleanliness, strictly speaking, isn't a problem -- the place was nearly immaculate, as you'd expect of a Ritz. (The only infraction: some stray garbage near the morning coffee spread in the lobby.) I did, however, find more nicks and dents in my room than I expected to find. But for a hotel last renovated in 2006-07, that's par for the course.

The amazing petits fours at the Dining Room

As long as your wallet is fat, you'll have no problem eating well during your stay, on-site or off. The main dining room -- creatively named the Dining Room -- possesses a reputation that extends beyond the realm of hotel establishments: it was one of only four restaurants in California and 17 in North America to earn five stars from Exxon Mobil in 2009.

• Choice between a $74 three-course prix fixe and an eight- or nine-course tasting menu. My prix fixe -- with wine -- ran me $122. And that's the less expensive option. But check out this rack of lamb. And this ridiculous tray of homemade candy to finish off the meal. You can't put a price on deliciousness. I slept well that night.
• The Dining Room's a-la-carte menu at the Bar is less expensive.
• Bar reputedly has the city's largest collection of wine half-bottles.
• Breakfast and lunch in the atmospheric Lobby Lounge
• For some cheaper, simpler eats, head down the hill two blocks to Kearny Street, where you can find Thai, Greek, pizza, Mexican, schwarma... you name it.