Townhouse Hotel — Hotel Review Rating: 3.0 Pearls

Oyster Review Summary

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Oyster undercover reporters photographed this hotel. See the hotel exactly the way we did when we stayed there. (View All Photos)

Oyster Hotel Review

Reporter: Dipayan G.
Updated: August 31, 2009

 Service

I was promptly checked in at the front desk and given a helpful printout of the facilities.

When my photographer developed blisters, I had Band-Aids sent up to my room within minutes of calling.

To keep the lobby so white, the hotel keeps a painter on staff.

Up on the roof, where there's a party every weekend, the hostess happily chatted with me while pointing out recent renovations and the various Miami landmarks surrounding the hotel.

 Location

The Townhouse is located in a nook between the Setai and the Shore Club, two of Miami's most stylish hotels, and guests can glimpse the good life by gazing at the neighboring grounds.

Although the Townhouse doesn't have private access to the beach, it's just around the corner.

Over on Collin's Avenue, the Townhouse is attached to Atrium, an edgy sportswear store from New York. Drunk girls in heels and guys in striped shirts stagger down this part of Collins to hit up the clubs, but it gets much quieter just a few blocks north.

 Rooms

The white, cube-shaped room where I stayed looks like a sanatorium, except for the bright red beach ball on the bed.

The couch in the corner is definitely not large enough for adults to sleep on, despite the hotel's assertions to the contrary. Plus, the drab gray cover has some questionable white stains on it (perhaps from manic whitewashing?). Otherwise, the room is immaculately clean.

The bathroom is also spick-and-span, but when I pulled back the curtain I found minor rust stains and a small pool of water in the tub.

I wasn't able to connect to the Townhouse's Wi-Fi, but I could use free Internet from the Setai hotel next door.

The mattress is uncomfortably firm, perhaps because the wooden platform doesn't have any slats.

The room has thin walls, and I was woken up in the early morning by drunken 20-somethings knocking on each other's doors and hollering, "Heeeeey!! How're you doin'??"

 Features

There's no pool or spa, but the hotel is around the corner from the beach.

There's no gym, but the Townhouse bizarrely has stationary bikes hidden behind a beaded curtain at the end of every hallway.

The lobby is always busy with a crowd of good-looking Europeans, and furniture is constantly being re-arranged to fit parties coming to the hotel.

With a great view of the beach on one end and the lights of downtown on the other, the rooftop bar is open every weekend to the public and often used during the week to host private events. There are tomato-red deck chairs to loll about in, and a revamped water tower outfitted with sofas for a more intimate setting.

The hotel serves food in the lobby and at Bond St. Lounge, a well-known sushi bar in the basement. It was flooded by a recent hurricane at the time of my visit.

I was unable to connect to the Townhouse's Wi-Fi throughout, but got a free and steady signal from the Setai.

 Bottom Line

Located right on the beach, the Townhouse offers bright, stylish rooms, but little else. Still, it's a great, comparatively clean alternative to the sketchy, similarly priced hotels throughout South Beach. Young singles might appreciate the Townhouse's proximity to clubs and the mix of good-looking Europeans spending the night.