Geejam — Hotel Review Rating: 4.5 Pearls

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Oyster Hotel Review

Reporter: William B.
Updated: January 28, 2010

 Scene

The Geejam (pronounced G'-jom), which just opened to the public in March 2008, is a self-proclaimed “private hotel.” This means that it’s designed to offer privacy above all else -- there’s no communal pool and no direct beach access, and guests often take all their meals in their individual cabins, each fenced off from the common pathways. This place is meant for couples, and fortunately I was able to bring my girlfriend along for this review (thanks, boss). By doing so, I scored about 500 romance points and dodged a potentially sad, lonely $650-per-night experience. The resort has no signage -- our cab driver circled the area four times looking for the dirt-road turnoff -- and Jamaica’s infamous mega-resorts are hours away.

There are only about 20 or so employees on staff, and they all make efforts to know everyone by name, but they’re rarely obtrusive. It’s neighbored by a few modest villas, agrarian shanties with rusted tin roofs, and the dense flora of one of the world’s rainiest regions. From the wicker yin-yang daybed on our private patio (standard in all rooms), we counted sagging green banana bunches and blackbirds picking at ackee fruit trees -- no people. The sounds: giggly local kids scampering home from school in the distance, roosters crowing, and the occasional roadside advertisement blaring from a megaphone strapped to the roof of a pickup. No waves crashing, though -- the nearest beaches are a 10- to 30-minute drive away. (Free rides are courtesy of the resort-provided chauffeur.) But you can see the sea from every room.

With its own state-of-the-art recording studio, the resort was once a musicians’ refuge -- thanks to Geejam's owner, the producer turned hotelier Jon Baker. (He even provides his cell phone number to all guests of the resort.) The studio drew such notables as Bjork, Common, the Gorillaz, and India.Arie. Throughout the resort, music is a focus, and the eclectic reggae playing at the Bushbar restaurant far surpasses the cheesy '90s pop tunes at virtually every other resort.

Each of the modern, all-white private cabins functions like an autonomous cell -- there’s no lobby or front desk, so all that business is performed either inside the rooms or at the Bushbar restaurant. The Bushbar, with its pool table, Apple desktop, and slight collection of board games, acts as the only communal hub of the property. It’s the only place guests have shared access to, except for the small fitness room. Though the hotel was supposedly half full during our stay, we only spotted a single couple passing through. (The place doesn’t really cater to families.) Most guests, it seems, opt to remain in hiding. The Geejam’s three-page check-in questionnaire even inquires whether guests are recovering from plastic surgery. (Even stranger, the survey also asks guests about the status of their menstrual cycle for some reason.)

 Celebrity Sightings

Like most of Blackwell’s Island Outpost properties in Jamaica -- including the Caves in Negril, Goldeneye in Ocho Rios, and Jakes and Strawberry Hill on the South Coast -- the Geejam brings in a fair share of celebrities. Given its overwhelmingly private nature, though, you’re not likely to spot a famous face, even if you and they make up 40 percent of the small resort. (There are only five rooms.)

Gwen Stefani, Bjork and Grace Jones have all stayed at the resort, though the hip circle has slightly subsided since the resort went public in March 2008. (Before then, it was a private hideaway for recording artists). Shortly after the resort opened, a barely clothed Sharon Stone quipped to the New York Post, "I'm naked at the drop of a hat. Why not? Why pretend? Be happy."

 Service

Service is by request only (this includes everything from a turndown to a trip to the beach). All rooms come with a free cell phone preprogrammed with the numbers for room service, guest services, the Bushbar restaurant, the technician, or (as needed) the owner himself, Jon Baker. But guests rarely if ever receive a call from the staff.

The staff is small -- only 20 folks, top to bottom. They all make a diligent effort to know every guest by name. But the service approach is distinctly, cautiously unobtrusive. While most resorts in Jamaica pride themselves on being passionately chatty, the Geejam staff shakes loose the assumption that any of their guests want to make friends. They offer assistance as needed, and they’ll chat only when it’s welcomed. Our server offered to take our photo during dinner, but when we played pool, they left us alone all night to scratch the cue ball in relative privacy. Room visits are only by request, and the staff members always forewarn a room visit with a call to the guests’ cell phone and a hearty hello from outside the room.

The Geejam’s welcome book explicitly asks guests to make special requests. But when we took the resort up on its offer, we were a bit let down. We wanted to snag a couples’ massage, and the staff tried to arrange for two masseuses – they only have one on staff -- but this fell through at the last second. We requested special food -- Jamaican hot cocoa -- but they never procured any.

On the easy requests, service was routinely prompt -- 35 minutes for room service, 10 minutes for a technician to come to the room and turn our hot tub on (even at 11 p.m.). Restaurant service was flawless -- though it was pretty easy, as we were the only people in there. However, it took a long while (45 minutes) and about 10 phone calls to get in touch with guest services and find out the status of our spa appointment.

The check-in process is excellent but a bit unconventional. On arrival, we were greeted by three polo-wearing staff members who stood at attention in the parking lot. They took our bags, offered a tour of the room, gave us the three-page check-in questionnaire, and were out the door without a further peep (or a request for our credit card). The questionnaire asks guests their food preferences, their medical history, and even whether they’re currently menstruating (awkward). It also asks for their choice of more than 50 newspapers worldwide, including as many as 10 dailies from Brazil, Russia, and Japan. Exceptional, but it couldn’t fulfill our modest request for the New York Times (which is available at the Royal Plantation resort in Ocho Rios).

Owen, the free chauffeur/impromptu concierge, is a crowd favorite on TripAdvisor. In addition to driving us to five different beaches, he also volunteered to exchange our U.S. currency for Jamaican dollars at the "cambio" (exchange place) over 20 minutes away. While he traded our cash, we could relax in the room. Extraordinary.

 Location

Wedged between the lush foothills of the John Crow and Blue Mountain chains, the Geejam’s huts are literally hours away from the mega-resorts in arguably Jamaica’s most beautiful region. But keeping things lush also means a lot of rain. Even during the late winter and early spring (Jamaica’s driest season), guests can still expect daily downpours -- typically at about 5 a.m.

Spanning a simple six acres, the Geejam’s private cabins and villas see banana trees, dense hibiscus and wildflowers, and a trickling creek (which it calls a “waterfall”). If you strain your eyes, you’ll spot the rusted rooftops of a neighboring village. The town’s single paved road hosts unseen but easily heard traffic -- at least from every room but Mento. From our room, Ska, we were also privy to some roosters’ crows, off in the distance.

The historic, small town of Port Antonio is about a 15-minute drive west of the resort (courtesy of the resort’s free chauffeur). However, shopping and dining in Port Antonio is fairly limited -- it’s basically just a scant commercial center for locals, with a few music venues on the weekends. Most guests only venture to town for the ATMs.

 Beach

Ten minutes away (by car) is the small private beach Frenchman’s Cove -- voted by Condé Nast Traveler as one of the world’s most beautiful beaches and easily the most beautiful beach in the Caribbean. Fed by a nearby stream, the water is a mix of natural spring water and the profoundly warm sea -- we kept thinking we were walking through pee spots. Flanked on both sides by dense plant life, low-hung vines, and sharp cliffs, the calm, shallow water is kept warmer than the other Jamaican beaches. The lush, mountainous setting is more like Thailand than anywhere else in the Caribbean. The beach is private (not associated with the resort), and though resort guests can visit the beach for free, others can pay to settle on the sand with a lounge chair beside the resort guests. There’s drink service and an on-site Jamaican grill, serving some simple jerk chicken, fish, Red Stripe beer, and soft drinks. (Beach service is a rarity in Jamaica.) Crowds are scarce, and during our visit, we shared the beach with only about 15 other people.

Five other beaches are also nearby, but Frenchman’s Cove is clearly the highlight. The closest of these beaches is the trashy San San Beach (also private), which jumps off to the scenic Monkey Island (on which there are no monkeys). Winifred Beach, the only public beach, is about 20 minutes away. Sold as the “Rasta” beach, the beach is swarmed with pushy vendors selling jewelry, coconut-carved handicrafts, cheap beaded wristbands, and pot, and occasionally soliciting donations for “taking care of the beach.” The Geejam’s website shows off the beach as a majestic place to ride horses in the remote, romantic setting. However, the skeletal horses we spotted seemed a better case for the Humane Society than for a romantic excursion. Farther out, near Boston Bay, about 30 minutes from the resort, there’s Long Beach, which is popular among surfers. Given the fierce waves and strong currents, this isn’t the best place for swimming.

The famous Blue Lagoon is 20 minutes from the resort. The film of the same name was shot here, starring a young, near-naked Brooke Shields, as was "Cocktail," starring Tom Cruise. But there’s no actual beach there, and much of the space has been destroyed by hurricanes. (Locals argue about which one did most of the damage.) Everyone boasts about its inevitable redevelopment, but don’t hold your breath -- the tough economy certainly isn’t speeding construction along. There’s no beach, per se, but the conical lagoon, 180 feet deep, is a remarkable place to scuba dive. River rafting along the river feeding the lagoon is another popular attraction.

Though the resort has tentative plans to develop its own beach at Mack Bay, the current economic climate seems to have put off development. When we spoke with guest services about the development plans, she candidly explained that there’s no clear opening date on the horizon.

 Rooms

The resort is comprised of only five private abodes sheltered from prying eyes by dense flora -- think: cabin, bungalow, or Japanese teahouse. (These are not your typical “rooms.”) Though spacious, all rooms only come with a dainty “queen-size” bed that’s actually closer to a full-size mattress by U.S. standards. Still, they all have feather duvets, pillow-top mattresses, and some of Jamaica’s softest 500-thread-count linens. (Really, these were the best sheets we’ve encountered, anywhere.)

Holding to the resort’s past as a recording studio, each room is named after a phase in Jamaican music (we stayed in Ska). Modern on the inside: stark white, minimalist décor, slate showers, Geejam’s own high-quality herbal bath products, and the most high-tech entertainment system in Jamaica. Rustic on the outside: extensive terraces surrounded by banana and ackee fruit trees, stone paths, and neighboring roosters.

Prizing techy comforts along with the natural setting -- you can only stare at a banana tree for so long -- all rooms come fitted with cable-equipped, 42-inch flat-screen TVs with HBO and Showtime; free, fast Wi-Fi; iPod docks; dimmer switches everywhere (even in the bathroom -- sexy!); and DVD players (with an extensive and free lending library available). Also unique to the resort are AppleTVs in all rooms. This device is basically an iTunes adapter for the TV. The AppleTVs come preprogrammed with an impressive, eclectic mix of reggae (Buju Banton to Peter Tosh) and soul music (Curtis Mayfield to Isaac Hayes) and about three dozen movies ranging from cult favorites like "Idiocracy" to Academy Award winners like "Crash" to a healthy batch of kung-fu flicks and documentaries. But with all this, the TV remote can be pretty intimidating. It took us a while to figure out that in order to watch TV, we needed to hit “watch TV.” (It’s trickier than it sounds.) Set up to accommodate a celebrity in hiding -- or someone recovering from plastic surgery -- the rooms also have a 24-hour room service menu, in-room massage, and anything else by request (just call from the free cell phone provided in every room).

On the lowest end are three self-contained cabins – Ska, Mento, and Rock Steady -- each of which is composed of a single room, a tiny bathroom with a walk-in shower, and a huge, furnished wraparound terrace. Ska comes with a private outdoor Jacuzzi, whereas Mento and Rock Steady have a steam room. The significantly larger Drum and Bass suite, attached to the recording studio, boasts a direct view of the sea, but is much closer to the road and passing traffic. (At least there’s a Philippe Starck bathtub.) Sanwood, the hotel’s three-bedroom villa, features a small, private swimming pool and sundeck, a private Apple desktop, some tiny bedrooms (each with their own bathroom), and a large common living area with some Banksy spray-paint artwork on the walls and Sex Pistols posters.

Geejam’s unique construction minimized its impact on the natural environment, as evidenced by the concrete molded around the tree limbs. But every structure is seamless -- we didn’t have a single, in-room bug issue, nor did any of the reviewers on TripAdvisor. This is extremely rare among the bungalow set.

There are significant flaws, however, like the extremely noisy ceiling fan. (It sounded like a Weed Wacker fixed to the ceiling.) The shower, though perfectly powerful, only shot cold water one morning. (Otherwise, we could get it scalding hot.) Also, though the Geejam stocks the minibar with decent wine, champagne, beer, and soda, all liquor must be requested. Furthermore, the snacks -- just some cheap granola bars and plantain chips -- are far below what one would expect from a $600+ resort.

 Features

The pool is only available to Sanwood Villa guests, though they’ll give everyone access if the Sanwood isn’t occupied. As there’s no direct beach access from the hotel (the closest beach is a 10-mintue drive away), this is a major letdown. The pool itself, even when it is available, is little more than a slight space to take a casual dip. Among the luxury hotels (and even among the nonluxury hotels), the Geejam’s pool is easily the worst.

A free, private chauffeur takes guests around town within a 30-minute span of the resort. No other resort in Jamaica has a free driver (though any taxi driver in Jamaica is about as reliable).

The gym is tiny, though there is a private stretch therapy trainer available (30 minutes free for three-day stays). Though stuffed with flex machines and even a punching bag, it hardly has enough space to use any of the equipment. It is, however, air conditioned (which is not the case at many resorts).

The “spa” is basically the roof of the recording studio (since damaged by storms). As such, guest services recommends in-room treatments. The private terrace has space for a massage table, and the actual natural sounds trump the prerecorded mixes in any enclosed spa. However, there’s no central area with a sauna, steam room, or spa tubs (save those that come with the rooms).

Unlike anywhere else in the Caribbean, the Geejam has a state-of-the-art recording studio, attached to the Drum and Bass suite. Famed musicians like Common, India.Arie, and Gwen Stefani have all recorded there, though its purpose during our visit was less esteemed -- mixing the tracks for the soon-to-be-released “Surf Rasta.” I hung out to watch the montage, wherein two dreadlocked Jamaicans went into the woods and built high-quality black, green and yellow surfboards in the span of a minute. It’s safe to say the film would never make it to a theater in the United States.

 Family

Clearly designed for low-key couples, the Geejam has very little for kids to do, nor is there anywhere for them to sleep in most rooms. For a low-key luxury hotel better suited to the little ones, check out Round Hill or the more conventional Ritz-Carlton in Rose Hall.

 Cleanliness

The entire hotel just opened in March 2008 and is still shimmering. Our only beef – our room wasn’t stocked with a bathrobe. (Apparently this should have come with the room, but we didn’t discover this until checkout.) Also, there’s no automatic turndown service -- you have to request one.

 Food

When the resort opened, the Bushbar was famed for its world-class sushi. Tokyo natives attested that it was some of the best sushi they’d ever eaten. But now the Japanese cuisine is no more, and only two Jamaican chefs remain. To better satisfy the Asian palate, check out the Ritz-Carlton in Rose Hall, whose Jasmine restaurant celebrates “Jasian” cuisine.

The fruit comes fresh, and the quality is nothing to scoff at. Still, for the price, it certainly doesn’t blow anyone’s socks off -- unlike the fare at Round Hill, Half Moon, the Caves, or even the Ritz-Carlton. Entrees are limited to about five items each night, which vary according to guest requests or whim. Dishes like spicy chicken with mangoes, papaya, and festival veggies hold their own with the other luxury resorts, but the curried mutton was more bone than meat, and the Caribbean lobster was no better here than at any halved BBQ drum on the beach. Prix fixe breakfasts are decent, too. We had some delicious banana pancakes with vanilla syrup. But at $30, there are better spreads elsewhere.

 Bottom Line

A "private hotel" from chichi hoteliers Island Outpost, the Geejam is made up of five private, eco-friendly cabins on the lush (rainy) foothills of Port Antonio. Frenchman's Cove, the most beautiful beach in the Caribbean, is 10 minutes away (but there's no direct beach access). Rooms are pretty high-tech, but there's no pool or spa facilities, the gym is tiny, and the restaurant doesn't dazzle.